Saturday, November 1, 2014

One Does Not Simply ... Paint The Porch

It's just another hoop to jump through.

I have to paint the front porch.  Tomorrow.

Yes, I know it's November. Yes, I know it's cold outside. Yes, I know it will take forEVER to dry.

However, I received a phone call yesterday from an inspector who works with New York Rising, the grant office that is administering the buyout/elevation money for our village.

Apparently our front porch failed the lead paint test, so they have to come and inspect to make sure we painted over the lead paint. 

Trouble is, when dealing with federal programs the hoops are a never-ending list of criteria that are almost impossible for the average human to complete before the deadline.  It is, I believe, designed that way.

Invariably after you have jumped through all the required hoops ... nothing happens.  N-O-T-H-I-N-G.

You see, federal grant programs change on an almost daily basis.  So just when you think you have completed the task, there is another hoop.  One that you didn't know about (because it didn't previously exist), but you discover after you receive a phone call from an inspector who notifies you that you have failed to complete this or that.

Nice, huh?

So, long story short, I have to paint the porch.

But first I have to move all the porch furniture, sweep, wash, scrape where necessary, wash the dirt off, and buy paint, brushes, and rollers.

THEN I will paint.

In two days. Because that's when the inspector will be here.

Oy vey.

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