I turned 50.
Saying it out loud brings a simultaneous sense
of triumphant arrival and inward reflection.
On one level I feel young and
invincible like I was in my college years.
On another I feel the weight of tiny complaints of the back, kidney,
eyesight, ashen hair, forgetfulness and hypertension my doctor warned me about
so many years ago.
Funny thing is, it doesn’t seem like so many years ago, but rather yesterday
… fishing with
Papap at Lake Irene …
... walking to Emily’s store all by myself …
... sledding down Mill Hill (waking up in the hospital)
…
... getting a haircut at “Honest Frank’s” barber shop …
... riding my bike to Uncle
Harold’s house (Aunt Fern always had cookies) ...
... skateboarding down the hill
to my grandmother’s house ...
... joining boy scouts …
... attending the first day of
junior high (felt so grown up) …
... taking a date to the “Queen of Hearts” dance …
... becoming a mime …
... getting my driver’s license …
... feeling a broken heart up close
…
... going to college …
... auditioning for my first real show ...
... graduating ...
... working with Dad …
... working with Mom …
... meeting the love of
my life …
... proposing on Christmas Eve …
... becoming a husband …
... becoming a father …
... losing a house …
... losing a father …
... losing a mother …
... becoming 50.
I’ve been thinking about what is next. What do I want the
rest of my life to look like? What do I want to do as I grow up? The reality is
that I have lived far more years than I have yet to live on this earth. What is my vision for the remainder?
I’ll have to get back to you on that. Right now I have a life to live.
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